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The Update is Good!

I wanted to let you know that my friend found out that her breast cancer is stage one/grade two.  Stage one because it was found so early — Thank you Lord!  Grade two because it is invasive.  She will be getting treatment soon and all is expected to turn out extremely well!  I appreciate her patience with me — letting me vent here in this public forum and yours too.

My other news is that I’ve decided that it’s safe to go back to my old blog again.  I’ll keep this one up, but won’t post on it unless the other starts to feel threatening again.  This has been a safe little retreat for me, but it hasn’t felt like home.  I hope my new friends here will understand.  Y’all take care.

Well Sh!t

I’m sorry.  You probably expected better of me than a subject title like that.  To be honest, I wanted to spell it correctly and to be really honest, I’d prefer to use the “F” word.  I just talked to my dearest friend in the world, Catherine.  I’ve known her since before my son was in kindergarten, he’s 31 now, maybe a year or two before.  She’s more like a sister to me and to be honest for many years, she was closer to me than my own flesh and blood sister.  Thank God Teresa and I worked through our problems and became as close as Catherine and I before the end!  Anyway, Catherine’s biopsy came back.  She has breast cancer.  She meets with a surgeon tomorrow afternoon.  I don’t know what all she is in for.  Sh!t.

First — on the no real news front — my friend C had another mammogram today.  Then she had three sonograms.  It was decided that she does indeed have a mass.  It is, thankfully, smaller than she was first told, but it is there.  She will have a biopsy next Monday.  She won’t have results for a week after that.  So much for her leaving today “knowing something”.  I tell you, the medical staff should be more careful in the way they phrase things to patients.

Today, I finally finished looking through all of the photos I brought home from my son’s house.  These were the photos of his family — children, himself and his young wife, who passed almost two years ago.  I had the job of organizing them into categories of each child, each child with their mother, multiple children with their mother, mom and dad together — that sort of thing.  This will make it easier of the children to make memory books or scrapbooks of their mom.  This will be done on the next visit.

Now a little good news on the weight loss front!  Shortly after Christmas, I ordered myself some flannel men’s boxer shorts to sleep in.  When I got them, they fit, but when I bent over, the snap on the stomach would pop open.  It doesn’t do that now!  This means that I’ve lost some tummy inches!  Woo hoo!

More soon.

 

Weighty Progress

I’ve thought about sharing the whole ugly weight thing with you and some day, I just might do that.  For now I’ll just update you on it.  Today I’m having a Dr Pepper because I’m feeling sleepy and slightly head-achy.  There is a good chance of rain and storms here tonight, which would account for the head-achy feeling.  The sleepy feeling is because of the not sleeping well thing that I’ve still got going on.  This happens with me every so often.  It’s like a loop I get in.

Not to worry about that Dr Pepper though.  I have just a few a month and I write them down when I do.  I quit drinking Coke, which is what I had a real problem with.  Dr. Pepper doesn’t have the same effect on me.  It’s just a different flavor for me to drink sometimes.  I normally drink water, 2%milk or tomato juice, with occasional “naked juices” thrown in for variety.

I don’t weigh myself weekly or even regularly. I don’t even own a scale!  I think I’ve weighed twice since the new year.  Once when I went in for a doctor appointment and last Monday when I went in for my mammogram and bone density test.  They asked my weight and told them that I was on a diet and I could tell them what I weighed a couple of weeks ago.  She asked if I would like for her to weigh me and I said yes.  I had lost 4 more pounds since I had seen my doctor earlier this month and he’d told me to increase my calories!

When I first started my healthier eating, I went online and found out as much as I could about the old weight watchers plan from the 1980’s.  It was much more healthy, in my opinion, than the new one and I had had success with it back then.  Then I tried to figure out how many calories they were actually eating at about week 4 on the plan.  It looked to me that they were taking in about 1100 and then there was the extra 700 calories you could use during the week.  So, that is what I did the first week and a half.  I am also using a food diary — religiously!  I would like to note here that on the 7th day, I wrote that I felt physically weak!  I soon learned the reason, although I already suspected it myself.

Ten days into my new eating and calorie counting, I had a doctor appointment.  When I weighed, I had lost that 5 pounds I mentioned earlier.  I knew that 5 pounds in 10 days was too much, too fast.  I talked to the doc about all of this, telling him how many calories I was eating and how I felt on that Sunday.  He did a little research right then and there and told me that I needed to start eating 1800 calories a day or he didn’t think I’d be successful in the long run.  So, for the most part, I do eat that much a day, but to be honest, not every day.

The most important thing I do, every day is keep that food diary.  The second most important thing I do is to not deprive myself.  If I want to eat out, I do.  If I’m craving something, I have it.  I have Hershey kisses on my desk.  I’ve had some for the last three days.  Whatever I have, I write it down.  I am not “exercising” yet, but I am being more active than I had been.  I still need to eat more fruits and vegetables.  Something I have always needed to work on.  This is something I plan on doing for a lifetime, not a few months.  It will take time.  I’m OK with that.

Thoughts…

I have all these thoughts bouncing around in my brain today like that little ball that’s being hit in an old pin-ball machine!  Actually, I’ve been this way for a couple of days.  I’m staying up later and later each night and having more trouble going to sleep when I finally do lie down in bed.  I don’t feel rested when I wake up.  I’m not concentrating well either, I don’t think.  And I’m more hungry than I have been in the past few weeks.

  • I don’t like salmon in the package.  I love grilled salmon!  LOVE it!  I even pretty much love albacore tuna in the package.  But I do not like the salmon in the package.  Thank you very much.
  • I started to recommend a movie  that I really loved to my friend C the other day, but then I remember the last time I really loved a movie (The Purple Rose of Cairo) and enthusiastically recommended it to family and friends and they all hated it!  So, I kept my mouth shut.  Has that ever happened to you?  Everyone hating a movie you loved?
  • I should be doing something — cleaning, grocery shopping, something.
  • I can’t remember the last time I read a book.
  • I can hear a bird picking things off of the door outside.  LOVE!  Must be getting things for a nest.
  • It’s been quite warm, so far, this winter.  Sure is a nice help to the electricity bill.
  • Still not doing too good on the forgiveness thing.  I’ve been shopping for voodoo dolls.
  • I need to write some letters, but can’t even make myself do that.

I think that cleared my mind for a bit.  Maybe I’ll be able to think and accomplish something today.  Hope you are doing well.

 

Worry?

I used to a real worrier.  Not any longer.  Sometime in my late 20’s I realized that I could not control everything and my worrying about every little thing was just driving me crazy and wasting a whole lot of my energy.  So, when I would start to worry about something that I knew I had no control over, I finally started saying a little prayer and handing it over to God.  Now, that does not mean that I did not, on occasion, wrestle it back from Him and worry some more.  When I did, I’d just say the prayer again and hand it back to Him again.

It took a lot of practice, but for the most part, I don’t worry too much about things beyond my control any longer.  That doesn’t mean I don’t think about them and pray about them though.

Right now, my very dearest friend has a mass in her breast. There will be more tests on Monday. I’m saying lots of prayers. There are also all kinds of thoughts running through my head.  I wish I lived next door to her instead of in another state. I want to hold her hand. I want to make her laugh. I want to be there when she hears the news — good or bad.  When we hear the good news, I want to celebrate with her!   If the news happens to be bad, I want to scream and cry, rant and rave with her. Then I want to help her come up with a battle plan to beat it and LIVE.  I just want to give her a hug.

A few other random thoughts I’ve had since getting the news from her:

  • I want the news to be good.
  • Please Lord, let the mass be benign.
  • I want the news to be good.
  • Dear Lord, help her let go of the past.
  • I want the news to be good.
  • I pray the news will be good!
  • I pray!

Forgiveness Quote

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.”  said by Oprah, in the January issue of O magazine.

I have a problem with forgiveness.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I have a real problem forgiving a very few things that have happened to me in my past.  I’m hoping that this quote will help me see things in a new light.